Come · to · me · scared · princess...

Sing to me my muses, lost in hot cyclops anarchy

Possession, Invention, blood blood

Spirits, spirits

Spirits, spirits, come, come

Where will these visions lead? How far dare I go?

Where will this song take me?

Into the deep UNKNOWN!


--Sha Nagba Imurru--


Random [Thots] occur at 3:30am courtesy of a big lack of sleep, cramps and an overwhelming urge to finally completely snap, just laughing maniacally while rocking back and forth in a corner, mindlessly reciting lines of poetry, spilling blood on canvas; giving into the little voices that we ignore daily...the voices we cover up and call 'disorders'...they're all there, why not release them; spiritual intercourse, complete obliteration of the senses...[sometimes I sit and ask myself, what have I BECOME?]...Someone asked me the other day while I was walking to get some coffee, what will I do when i'm old, when i'm 80, what will all my piercings and tattoos turn out to be? What will I think of it all then? My answer was, "I'm going to look at them exactly the same as I always have, how I do now and how I will when the future comes...as Art." The human body is art to me...a piece of absolutely perfect canvas, that can be molded, shaped...sculpted...pierced, inked, re-formed...re-made...into whatever you see it to be, what YOU see as beautiful. It always bothered me the wrong way when people would talk badly about body modification, it always annoyed me...I always just listened, watched these people speak their minds, the only thing going through my head, "Why is it so hard to be open about these things? What's so hard to accept...? What someone else does to their own body, their OWN...why does it affect your life so greatly that you feel the need to make possibly hurtful comments?"

This isn't anything new though, not even close. It's going to happen with everything, regardless of how anyone feels about it. I've accepted that fully, though somedays everything can rub me the wrong way, as is with almost everyone else, i'm sure. I just never understood why some people are so close-minded to things, so...ignorant...to even want to try to understand...ignorant might not be the right word, but it seems fitting to me. I've had many people randomly ask me questions about myself, the tone in their voice indicating they obviously could care less at my answer, to which, of course my answer is going to be just as equally smart-assed as their question. It's not hard, treat me with respect, and you get the same. If you genuinely are curious about something and you ask, i'm going to tell you everything you want to know. It's just common courtesy, really. At least to me anyways. [unfulfilled satisfactions & chemical reactions;; my fate there's no escape -- life itself is the assassin]

[:.:mental midgets.:.]

The human body amazes me, on a daily basis almost. It is absolutely astounding what the body can go through...even what the mind can go through;; [Killing me...he's killing me--infectious human waste, forefather, cancer hungry, prostate gods...killer;KILLER] ;;The capability is beautiful...pullings, suspensions, kavadi...implants...subincisions, amputation...bloodplay...piercings, tattoos...shattered bones, torn, fragmented muscles...joints...mental breakdowns, crushed hearts...[map menge ou sans sel]...other voices, hallucinations...the body and mind are truly fascinating pieces of art that should be treated as such.

[Say what you mean to save your soul;but leave your religion at the door--]

The female body in particular is breathtaking, as i'm sure most agree...all shapes, all sizes...[Perfectly Flawed]...every single person is gorgeous in their own right, whether they believe it or not, myself definitely included. Muses, sirens...women, womyn...serpent grrls...perfect pieces of art, that can remain as they are, or can be modified...gorgeously modified to be even more ravishing. Body modification in my personal opinion brings out the inner beauty, brings out the physical beauty overall of someone...someone not afraid to stand up, speak out...strike back...not afraid to show their true selves, with their heads up high, proving to the entire world just how fucking STUNNING they are.

[With poetry & suffering, eye cannibalized every ounce of my pain;eye'm not ashamed, NOW YOU'RE WALKING AWAY]

--Sic Semper Tyrannus--



Paint your face with the blood of the weak

Self-sacrifice everyone you meet

Screaming demons in my veins

Voices of the dead nurturing my pain

I survived; I'm ALIVE

I render fever to watch you burn

Kill your leaders to help you learn

This is a post about something that happened 2 weekends ago, 3 really. I had sex with one of my friends, ignoring everyone that told me he was just going to use me. Big shock when it happened that I ended up hurt as all hell.

That was 3 weekends ago, the 2 weekends ago was I had sex with one of my other friends...it was nice though, I can't even describe it. I'm extremely touchy and shy when it comes to sex, i'll start to freak out and have an anxiety attack. It's pretty bad, and I feel really stupid about it, like i'm the only person in the entire world that has a distaste for sex, and a seemingly stupid habit of thinking that there's 'something there' with the people I trust enough to have sex with.

Anyways, having sex with him was nice...he wasn't a complete fucking jerk-off about me being shy, the entire thing was sweet and casual...he's a HUGE cuddle monster, he's incredibly affectionate, he always touches my face and purrs at me...which i'm missing a lot right now, i've only seen him once since we've had sex. The thing that bothers me, makes me really sad when I think too hard on it...is that he rarely dates, he doesn't get attached to people at all, usually...he's just a really affectionate guy...he's hard to explain.

I met someone from Calgary the same weekend, the day before I had sex, incidentally...and wouldn't you know it, he's the fucking definition of what I absolutely adore in a guy, for the most part. We made out some and we were getting along great. He's very down to earth, I like that...it brings my daydreamy mind back down a few pegs, which is good. But, again...he only does open relationships if he DOES date someone, and he's pretty well a huge sexual, affectionate guy...and egh...

The guys that want to be with me, I don't like them in the least bit, they're great as friends, but as anything else, no. Life is really fucked. Why is it so damn hard for me to find an AMAZING guy that I ADORE, that actually likes me back, fully, without me being some goddamn fuck?

WOW. Haven't updated this account in FOREVER. Holy damn. SO much to say...yet nothing at all. How odd, yet that always seems to be the way of things, no?

I'm back in Deadmonton finally, the internet connection fails right now but at least I have something here, and CELL SERVICE. Barely any minutes, but service none the less. >_<

Mmm...

If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?

So, wow. I haven't updated my poor, dusty LJ for a long ass time, awesome.

Moved into the city, got a job at Walmart (for the time being anyways) blah blah...i'm tired, sick and feeling dizzy, not too awesome. This past couple weeks has been insane, we had to get our last rottweiler put down, then I had to go back home to go to my grandmas funeral, all in the same 2 days. Blahhhh.